Media Credit: COURTESY THUNDER'S MOUTH PRESS [Click to enlarge]

"Nobody Likes a Quitter (And Other Reasons to Avoid Rehab)" By Dan Dunn Thunder's Mouth Press out of

Most adult Americans have a drinking story or two to stir into the mix when conversation turns to booze, but few could write an entire memoir of such tales.

But then, not many people make their living imbibing alcoholic beverages. Dan Dunn is an exception.

A wine and spirits columnist for Metro International Newspapers, Dunn gets paid to travel the world, party with celebrities and test out exotic beverages.

His hilarious memoir "Nobody Likes A Quitter (And Other Reasons To Avoid Rehab)" chronicles his voyages across the seas of booze-column stardom. Accompanied by a crew of quirky characters, including his freeloading roommate turned Hollywood superstar, Bottomfeeder, and a demonic, blackmailing attorney, The Beast, Dunn sets out to prove that sobriety is completely and utterly overrated.

Organized like a 12-step program, Dunn's memoir commences with his days as a professional wino and ski bum in Aspen, Colorado, where he gains notoriety after outraging the yuppie tourist population with an offensive article.

Fortunately, Metro International newspapers gets wind of the controversy and his knack for writing and ships him overseas to write about foreign wines and spirits. While abroad, Dunn encounters peculiar and sometimes irksome foreign cultures and writes about them with a complete disregard for political correctness.

He develops contempt for the French after Air France loses his luggage, forcing him to purchase a pair of suffocating Italian-made jeans. While overseas, Dunn learns how to say useful phrases such as: "Your kids are really attractive, are they adopted?" which he uses to belittle snobby natives.

A former joke contributor for Talk Soup and Saturday Night Live, Dunn knows how to make fun of everybody and takes stabs at Michael Moore, the luggage handlers at Air France, Coolio, President Bush and a host of other famous personalities.

His adventures abroad lead him to a wasted trek across Omaha Beach all the way to a dusty Mexican town where he barters for some delightfully wacky souvenirs, which include a singing frog carcass and larger-than-life statue of the Virgin Mary.

Dunn even gets to wine and dine with Paris Hilton herself, and he is able to confirm that she does say "that's hot" with incredible nonchalance.

He might be a French-loathing goofball, but Dunn really does know his drinks. Sprinkled throughout "Nobody Likes A Quitter," are recipes for exotic beverages, tips on when and how to serve them and histories of a few of his personal favorite liquors.

Dunn's newfound celebrity doesn't protect him from heartbreak. His self-effacing account of his troubles with a former lover makes him endearing to readers and preserves his humility despite his semi-stardom.

Most of his anecdotes are deliciously original and hysterically funny, but in "Step One" of his 12-step program, Dunn recalls his sloshed attempts at wheedling two women into returning to his hotel room for a threesome.

This hackneyed drunken fantasy is about as ubiquitous as Natural Light, but is most definitely a red herring. Wandering the beaches of Normandy wasted and mistaking them for a golf course is certainly not the recipe for any old garden variety drinking tale.

The only other "step" worth skipping is number seven, in which Dunn tries to polish his Ebonics while speaking to a young black producer.

The middle-aged white male trying to be "ghetto" routine is about as stale as beer that's been opened for weeks and left in the sun.

Overall, Dunn succeeds in convincing readers that a life without liquor is no life at all, and keeps the booze humor as fresh as the mint leaf crowning a Mojito.

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